It had been 3 weeks since I had played the game. And I could no longer think of anything else. The phone number I had called, constantly at the top of my speed dial. I find myself calling it almost daily to hear the recording. Since I won, I receive messa...
Frank@Bernard Depomme Thank you for noticing it and not just seeing it as bad writeing.... Im tryong to express the antsyness and addictive behavior that starts to patrurn when you start yo long for breathplay, how atticting it gets, and how with a taste...... more@Bernard Depomme Thank you for noticing it and not just seeing it as bad writeing.... Im tryong to express the antsyness and addictive behavior that starts to patrurn when you start yo long for breathplay, how atticting it gets, and how with a taste... some people just need more!
Bernard Depomme
The thinking of the narrator has become very clear in this chapter. The narrator is succumbing to the lure of his/her feelings while in the noose of the game. It is an addiction. This second chapter sets up more game participation a future chapter (or chapters.)
Before I post this I just wanted to say I appreciate this community. I wrote these for BPF and I just don't get the responce that I do here. And It makes writing more, much more fun. Thank you. Let's begin!
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"... it was a game of chance, possibly lethal, but the reward for playing and winning was enough to change a person's life."
Is it even clear to the player what the 'reward' is, or just the promise that it is... moreYes, this story needs more.
"... it was a game of chance, possibly lethal, but the reward for playing and winning was enough to change a person's life."
Is it even clear to the player what the 'reward' is, or just the promise that it is 'life-changing'? Is it fabulous wealth that makes them gamble their life, or just that it is their life on the line? Either can be a story, but very different stories. We need to understand these players more, so we can care more about their fate. This is a helluva start, but it needs more. And given this start, I'm confident you have it in you. Kudos. less
